Did you watch Brandy Hellville & The Cult of Fast Fashion? If not, I highly recommend it, it’s on HBO MAX.

I struggled throughout high school, not just academically, but socially. I never felt like I fit in. I had this running notion that I wasn’t “a Brentwood girl” through my entire time in middle and high school. After graduation of course I grew into myself and realized I was a Brentwood girl just because I went there. That being said, I want to set the tone for my struggle. I had classmates who’s parents were in really famous films, were prominent government figures, well known musicians, athletes and more. Being 10 minutes max from the heart of UCLA and Bel Air made my private school a very good choice for the families in the area. At the time of my senior year, tuition was a massive 38K. Yes, you read that correctly. I was a teachers kid, not a celebrities kid, and we definitely knew.

I’ll never forget the day I bled through my pants, and I went to the bookstore like the rest of my classmates to buy a pair of sweats. My Dad gently came to me a few weeks later asking what I bought at the bookstore for $60. $60?! I almost passed away then and there, but that was normal for my classmates at the time. In their off time they were buying $250 sweat pants to wear to finals and the mall, and Christian Louboutins to match their designer prom dresses they’ll wear once. They were also going to “Brandy”.

What’s Brandy? Well, it’s Brandy Melville.

Brandy Melville is a one size fits all store, that caters to the well-off, waify and petit. The documentary, does an excellent job breaking down the hype around Brandy Melville and the boom that happened on social media. If you haven’t, watch the trailer here. I had a classmate two years younger than me, who took brand photos for Brandy. I’ll never forget the day those pictures dropped, because my self esteem plummeted. I often found myself thinking, “how could a girl younger than me make it with a brand when I can’t even get an invite for things outside of school.” Well, it came down to connections and impressions. This girl now owns a very profitable bikini company she founded later the year the photos came out. Yes, she was in high school selling bikinis to Victoria’s Secret Angels, and Gabby from Desperate Housewives. We were playing on two entirely different playing fields, and I just had no idea.

Today, Brandy Melville has about 40 stores left open as well as their website. Back in the day when I was in high school, I feel like they were everywhere. It didn’t help that the first Brandy was literally just a rock toss off the UCLA campus in Westwood, and a quick car ride from my school. Between Brandy Melville, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, and anything at the Century City mall the clothes I always wanted were basically out of my budget. In high school, every girl had a pair of Steven Madden combat boots, and I still love them to this day. I will never forget the day my Mom surprised me with them, I had coveted them for so long and it was my first step to feeling and looking like a “Brentwood girl”. The girls would pair them with their cute clothes from Brandy, and I remember all the “outfits” I made on Polyvore as inspiration.

To this day at 25, I want to fit into the clothes I used to want from Brandy, but I know it’s not possible. While I have aged, the style of clothes is mostly still in, but I am thick after years of hard work around the barn. Plus I know all about fast fashion and its impact on the people who make the garments. That being said, I still favorite items on Poshmark and Depop, and I’ll browse the online catalog. However, this is my only item from them, and it holds a very special place in my heart.

I will occasionally post a favorite item here or there so be on the lookout under the brands tag, and if you still love and swear by Brandy Melville for the sentimental factor let me know in the comments below.